Two different things, fundamental, essential, for a happy and well-lived life.
Number one, giving.
A long time ago, someone suggested to me that ‘offence is taken, never given’. It's very easy for me to insult you. It's very easy for me to hurt you. It's very easy for me to say something which is horrible and personal, or it conflicts with your worldview or your values, but it's useless unless you take it.
For years, actually 30 years, I've encountered a low level of discrimination for being Scottish in England, nothing that I want to shout about, doesn't bother me in the least, usually quite hilarious and funny, but it rumbles on. It usually consists of the following
- “Why are you here anyway?” (I've had that very recently). The answer I developed was “ there was no one, no one clever enough to do my job or handsome enough to marry my wife”!
It never bothers me in the least, and I love to give out that reply; we can generally move along and get on to what we're doing.
It happens to me in surgery, not infrequently, and it doesn't matter at all, because I refuse to take the offence. That's a skill that's worth trying to cultivate, even when someone is hurting you or trying to hurt you. Looking at them and trying to see behind the reasons why that's happening makes it easier not to receive the offence from them.
Number two, taking.
Taking applies most importantly in the realm of responsibility. No one gives responsibility to anyone else; it's not possible to do that. We can offer responsibility to people that we trust or rate or think highly of, but it's only when someone takes responsibility that it becomes truly magical.
And so, imagine that in your own workplace. Why not refuse to receive the insult ‘offences given and never taken’, and why not seek out where you can take responsibility. ‘ I've got that ‘, is one of the most powerful sentences in the English language.
Blog Post Number - 4356
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