In my book there are two types of pride.
The pride in being proud. When you see one of your children do something altruistic, unbidden, uncalled for and unseen. When you hear someone you work with saying something just the way you would have said it and knowing it’s a reflection of you. This is a powerful reaffirming emotion, which often outstrips any financial gain you could possibly receive.
But there is the other pride. The hubris pride. The nasty, angry, stubborn, selfish and irrational emotion. Self-protectionism.
This week I was invited to speak at the ITI Study Club in Glasgow (for the second time). This time I was requested by one of the delegates. I was proud but I also had pride. It was a beautiful setting and I spoke to 25 delegates and told them how good I was at doing stuff like sinus lifts and presented our numbers – all in an abashed way but with an undertone of pride associated (I crave the attention – always) Then I returned to the practice the following day, jet setting back in off the 1 hour delayed aeroplane to do a sinus graft on a patient who had attended from the Far East. It didn’t go well.
For the fourth time in over 300 grafts the membrane tore on elevation (I tore the membrane) and I was unable to complete and had to abandon the graft itself. I was able to provide a ‘work around’ for the patient but even still, pride had come before a fall.
The trip to Glasgow though was not entirely about speaking to the ITI Study Club, there was something I had to do, someone I had to meet – someone very special to me that I had fallen out with and we needed to stand face to face with each other. It’s been a year since we spoke. One year of silence in a forty-year relationship, too long, too much pride. The second type of pride is a useless, wasteful emotion. Friendship, kinship, deep bonds of experiences shared are much more important than pride. It’s funny how we often think these things affect other people more than they affect us but when we have an opportunity to step outside and look back at ourselves we see a side of ourselves that we don’t like so much.
Very glad that this week I was able to surpress my pride and see my friend again.
Blog Post Number: 1233
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