I travelled to Lisbon this week as part of this new job, even though my ankle was busted.
My friend, Simon, was kind enough to give me a lift to Luton Airport, which was the closest place I could get a flight from at any sort of reasonable time.
In my mind and from a distance, I imagined this would be seamless and beautiful, but it wasn't, and it isn't.
It wasn't the fact that I was on crutches that made the difference (that was actually a wonderful thing because so many people were so kind to me), but Luton Airport is, as you would expect.
British airports are too small (all the overseas airports I ever go to are cavernous), and so we have too many people squashed into too few seats and too few places.
It was alright for me, though, because as part of this new job, I've invested in a lounge access card which gives me access to the business class lounges at almost every airport.
I'm on crutches, though, so I need to get to the one that's closest, and I don't know what number gate I'll be at, and I can't run anywhere if I'm in a hurry and so I go to the Aspire Lounge at Luton Airport, which is just off the main concourse, where all the food places are.
On reflection, I could have just sat in Frankie and Benny's and ordered a cup of tea, but I went in and got the old-fashioned lift up to the first floor and waited in a queue to get into the lounge behind three or four other people.
The guy on the desk was lovely, but he was clearly out of his depth and untrained (perhaps cost-saving on staff and training).
When I finally got through, there were no seats in the business class lounge.
There were one or two seats right beside a lot of other people, which would have been hard to get into, but none to sit for quiet working or to have a drink or to have something to eat.
And so, I ended up stood at the bar with my crutches, and no one offered me a seat.
It didn't matter. I was happy to stand and pulled my laptop out to work, and there was no WIFI.
The girl behind the bar explained that the WIFI here is rubbish, and you could try getting the airport WIFI, but you get a much better signal downstairs (outside Frankie and Benny's).
It's kind of clear what's happened here.
You shouldn't be able to buy pineapples on Christmas Day for a pound in the United Kingdom; they cost more than that, and entering a business class lounge costs more than £40 because if you price it at £150, far fewer people will go in and there will be more seats.
What they're doing is dropping the price to get more bums in and reducing the training of the team to keep more profits and just making it sh*tter and sh*tter until it becomes just a little cheap annex of what's already downstairs, and what's the point of not being downstairs?
And so, after a few minutes of standing at the bar with no WIFI, I went downstairs and sat in the main concourse beside the board, which would tell me what gate I was at.
It was at least as good as where I'd been, and for a moment, I felt this sense of gross entitlement. "I've paid for this card, and I haven't got this."
And then I thought, 'f@ck up, you d*ck,' and I hobbled off to the gate on my crutches.
Blog Post Number - 3436
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