(Inspired by Murakami's book about running)
As friend, when he knew I couldn't run anymore, bought me Haruki Murakami's book about running.
Perhaps an odd gift to buy someone but the most wonderful of wonderful books. It inspired me to write a similar little piece on my bizarre relationship with alcohol. I have wanted to write about this for a long time but I suppose i've never been brave enough or never felt in the right place. The older I get the less of a sh*t I give so, here goes... I hope it resonates with someone.
Alcohol, to me, is a poison.
It poisons me physically and it poisons me spiritually.
The recovery from any significant alcohol consumption for me is now at least four days. I will go weeks and months without drinking anything and will then drink every night (not excessively) for a fortnight or will drink excessively (10 drinks in one evening) before I remember how bad alcohol is for me.
The positive aspects of alcohol for me as I see are as follows:
1. It decreases inhibition (this is also a negative aspect)
2. It leads to a transient state of relaxation
3. There is a transient comforting aspect in some alcohol consumption for me
4. It allows me to be included with the herd
The disadvantages of alcohol are as follows:
1. It promotes more alcohol drinking
2. It significantly and seriously affects both the quantity and quality of sleep that I get
3. It significantly depresses my mood
4. It reduces my will to train
5. It affects my temper and leads to anger
6. It causes me to eat and crave rubbish
7. It causes transient depression of a significant level
8. It decreases or extinguishes and creativity
9. It makes me hate my job
If I were brave enough I would stop drinking but I feel the pressure within society is extraordinary and i;m not a strong enough individual to say no.
I have a narrative that tells myself that I don't have as good a time at major social occasions when i'm not drinking but i'm sure now that that's not the case.
TV and the movies tell us that alcohol consumption goes hand in hand with success (particularly alcohol that is expensive) Craft alcohol, beer, gin, whisky now allows us to drink alcohol in a trendy fashion and to be individuals to set us apart and pick up the new trend before anyone else.
I went out last week with a friend that I haven't seen for such a long time and we sat in a great place and drank a lot. It was a great, great night (but I can't remember the last part of it). Neither of us drink a lot and the pair of us together drank more than we would ever drink which makes me wonder "why the hell did I do that?" and it took me four days to recover and feel normal again, to get back to the things I want to do (particularly on the bike)
So the punchline I guess is that my life would be better if I never touched alcohol again. This is not a reformed alcoholics letter to people to tell them not to drink, it's an observation to myself of what happens to me when I drink. I think many people can drink and handle drink, perhaps they've had better practice or perhaps their physiology is different but to be honest for me it doesn't work and I question why and what the benefits are to me.
It's kind of looking like it's time for me to stop now for the foreseeable future, I think I have a better shot at being brilliant if alcohol is not involved. (I used to smoke 20 cigarettes a day when I first came to Nottingham and convinced myself that it helped me to relax. I could still smoke now as I read this but I convinced myself a long time ago that the disadvantages of smoking way outweigh the benefits. I guess the same thing probably applies for alcohol to me and the next it will be carbohydrates)
Blog Post Number: 1130
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