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I was chatting to someone recently about a shared self-destruction gene.

Lady Gaga and Bradley Cooper sang about it brilliantly in Shallow like a lot of things from music and culture, they get this and they tell the story about it but so many people don’t listen.

The trouble with the self-destruction gene is that if you dampen it down your world becomes “grey”, if you supress the gene too much the price of that is despair or depression or sadness. But if you let it go, its disastrous and you shine bright for a short while and then burn out in whatever form that takes.

I don’t think everyone has a self-destruction gene; I think some people have the ability to find a balance much more easily than others.

The difficulty for us that have it, is that we seen the world in dark and light, the self-destruction gene eats at me and doesn’t let me sit still, long enough to appreciate how good everything is before I have to be off again, desperately trying to break to keep myself away from the grey place.

It means that I can never be still, (unless I’m broken and exhausted) and so it means that it needs to be harness and controlled and that’s best done through talking to people about it and through the responsibility of others’ lives to me.

It’s not a plea for help, or a sad story, it’s just a character variation some people have, and some people don’t.

It almost certainly prevented me from having “the perfect body” it will definitely prevent me from having “the perfect mind” but it can be used like a tool in a toolbox, to go to places I’d of wouldn’t have otherwise been able to go.

Blog Post Number - 2040