The second of the words to think about over these three days, in what are becoming, I guess these self-indulgent and self-absorbed blogs about Colin Campbell philosophy (genuinely, I am sorry, but I try my best) is the word understanding or better still, the concept of understanding.
Sometimes, it is very difficult to be kind, as I discussed yesterday, without at least trying to understand; sometimes, when you try to understand, it becomes much easier to be kind.
Understanding is based on empathy. Empathy is (as far as I can tell from everything I have read and seen) the ability to, at least in some way, sit in someone else's seat and try to see the world through their eyes.
Suppose you exercise some aspect of understanding, even if someone is shouting at you or doing horrible things to you. In that case, it is sometimes easier to be kind to that person, knowing what they are going through and what is triggering them to behave in the way they behave.
Some time ago, a very wise man taught me that 'the way someone makes you feel is probably the way they feel'.
I use that a lot in the battles with my 17-year-old son Callum as he progressed through the testosterone-driven rage of young teenage years.
The philosophy and the practice of understanding go much deeper and are much more useful in my day-to-day work, particularly with patients (but also in trying to run and look after a larger team of people).
Consider the change in the law that took place almost 10 years ago with the introduction of 'Montgomery consent'.
I had the opportunity to meet Nadine Montgomery and listen to her speak at the ITI UK Congress in 2021. She is an extraordinary individual. But when she describes what she was trying to achieve over all of those years as she battled in the law to change what consent meant and what it should be, all I think she was trying to achieve was the concept of understanding.
Montgomery consent (which is a legal principle in the United Kingdom) tells us that before we can consent a patient for treatment, we must first try to understand the patient. Understand them as an individual person and understand their needs and requirements; it basically refutes the suggestion that 'one size fits all' and 'doctor knows best'.
Just because some of us might work in a system where we seem to not have the time to apply that philosophy does not mean the application of understanding is not the most important thing to apply when we have the opportunity to discuss options for treatment with our individual patients.
If we extrapolate that out further, understanding becomes critical in conflict resolution and also critical in the ability to look after people who are through the worst times of their lives or in deep difficulty or trouble.
The next time you enter into a situation where you are in conflict with someone before you're able to be kind, it may first be essential to try to understand.
Blog Post Number - 4032
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