I crave order, I crave routine, I crave self discipline, the ability to set a schedule and stick to it. Time and time again I write my perfect week. I drop all the pieces of the jigsaw into place, set a start date and it’s generally blown out of the water by 10am on a Monday morning.
I aspire to eat and train like an athlete, to sleep a prescribed amount of sleep each night, to find rest in the middle of the day, to live the routine that I see other guys live who are better than me, to protect my time, to be selfish, to ring fence parts of my life for ‘this thing only’. But I don’t. I set a task and become distracted. I get part way through something and start the new thing. I get inspired by something I have never seen before and it overtakes my imagination.
So where I crave consistency, the only consistency I really have is my consistency in inconsistency. Yes I’ve been fighting this demon for a long, long time – wondering whether, if I was able to achieve the consistent, it would be better or worse. Better or worse than what? Is it that the grass is always greener? I have this deep-seated feeling that to reach the places I would like to reach some radical changes have to be made.
Blog Post Number - 1196
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