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This blog is supposed to be a stream of consciousness, It’s supposed to be a diary to myself, so I can read back when the wheels come off and I am sat immobile, where ever that might be.

So while I search for content, to put some blogs together, to continue this ridiculous run with blogging every day and before I go on holiday, so that I can schedule some blogs, while I am on holiday, it’s worth a diary entry as to where I am today (written on the 1^st August).

Right at present, I am in the middle of this week’s crisis. This week’s crisis is my perceived view that the practice is a little bit quiet.

I’ve not met with Hayley, I do that later today and she will tell me that it’s not and just because one person didn’t take up implant treatment in a practice like ours, doesn’t mean, I’m going to have to busk in the street.

There is always a crisis, every week at the moment, because I am fragile and because we are fragile.

It is impossible to go through a project like this without going through stages of thinking the worst and thinking the best (I never sit on the middle ground and the middle ground would be quite safe.

Together with this and the weight of all of the decisions and even just for consideration, I am trying to train for an event at the start of October and I am not doing very well.

This morning, I got off my bike after 40 minutes in the shed, instead of 60, missing 2 and a half of the big efforts I needed to try and make myself a bit fitter to go up the mountain.

Last night I managed 30 minutes out of 60 minutes for an easy recovery ride, because I am so sore at the moment from doing strength exercises with my mate, Carl Dunston, in my garage that I am struggling to ride the bike.

In truth though, I am struggling to ride the bike (hard) because my psychological total load is too great, and I know that.

Months, or years, or some time ago, so far that I cannot remember, I sat with all the team that we could get together at TCC and spoke about the possibility of building a new practice.

I asked them all “are you in for this?” and they said “yes”, and we went, but on days like this and times like this where I am not sure I asked myself honestly.

David Nelson will read this blog and will then message me and say I hope you’re ok – David, I’m fine and I am looking forward to Italy, but I just feel that, this blog was always an honest place, a place where I could tell myself the future and what it was like so when the rough edges ended off and all I have is what is finished, I think it would be easy and I will go again.

I need to be honest with myself, and anybody who spares the time to read this, that it is not at the moment, so easy.

I wanted to build a place which could be a model of collaboration within the profession. I’m not sure it will be, I’m not sure that it is possible, I’m not really sure that the profession wants that.

That will be ok, because we will mould it into something else, but I don’t know if I am in for being an island, isolated and fenced off from the rest of dentistry.

What I really need is space, to consider and think.

I need the time to sit back and gaze into the crystal ball and see how things will be and the direction we will take, and I guess that is what people call leadership.

Leadership takes time and time is scarce.

At times like this, you dust yourself down, go back to first principles and back to what you were doing it for.

As long as we can go again tomorrow, with the same philosophy in an untainted way, to look after people we want and to make an influence, we will go again.

I guess it’s just to easy to get caught up in how many other tomorrows there might be, instead of being a laser beam and just focusing on the tomorrow.

Blog Post Number - 2103