It must be my age or my stage or my general disposition, but it seems that I look forward to trips with excitement and travel wonder but then, when I'm in the middle of trips these days from the United Kingdom to anywhere else, it seems like everything is broken.
On my trip to Switzerland this week I was flying from Birmingham business class with Swiss Air.
I've done that before and they're brilliant, and it should be a pretty easy and seamless trip.
About 45 minutes to the airport in Birmingham from my house and park in car park one, which is five minutes from the terminal, check in, through security, sit in a lounge, go on the plane at the front, get off quick, everybody's sorted.
I dreamed that it would be like this and then I realise that it very rarely, ever is.
On this occasion, as I sat eating my breakfast on the couch in my kitchen beside the dogs at 5am, I checked Google maps to make sure the road was clear, only to find out that I was diverted through Coventry to get to Birmingham Airport (many of you will realise that this is quite a long diversion).
A 45-minute trip just became 70 and by the time I arrived at Car Park one, I managed to get the very last space on the very top floor of the car park, trying to wedge my car in between cars that were parked in the wrong positions.
I then walked into the terminal and the check-in was beautiful at Swiss Air (they're lovely people) but then I arrived at check-in at 6.30am only to find the queue was about as long as that to see the queen lying in state after she died.
I stood in that queue for a while as everybody got more and more agitated and uptight only to realise that my business class boarding pass probably let me use priority security so, I dipped under the tape and tried my best.
There was still a significant queue for this, but it was a lot better than that one which looked like it was cattle going to an abattoir to the left of me.
And as I got through security, having taken off my belt, my trousers, my pants, my glasses and my false moustache, I headed for the business class lounge, which is included as part of my business class ticket and hoped that I might be greeted with a warm welcome and some lovely facilities.
Sadly, the generic business class lounge at Birmingham Airport is far from high quality.
On arrival, the lady apologised that I would have to sit in the business class seating to the right (about four broken leather armchairs) because all of the rest of the seats to the left, including all the tables where you could sit and eat, and everything close to where the food was had been reserved for people who had ‘actually paid’.
I'm pretty sure I'd actually paid as part of my ticket, but it seems like now if you buy a business class ticket, you’re second class to the people who actually pay hard dollar to get there.
The Aspire Lounge at Birmingham also doesn't have a toilet, which, to me, seems to be a bit of a basic convenience to have available somewhere where they're providing coffee and food for people before they go on a flight.
After this, it was just the usual bun fight to get on the plane where the facilities at Birmingham Airport seem to be a little bit third world in comparison to any other world airport that you attend but then the flight was terrific and the guys at Swiss air were fantastic, and everything was made to feel absolutely worse (while feeling better) when you land at Zurich Airport and realise what an airport and a transport infrastructure can look like.
Within 30 minutes of leaving the plane, I had collected my bag from one of the 40 baggage reclaim belts, headed through passport security (having been on an underground train to take me to another terminal) and then left the airport via the station on a first-class ticket to the centre of Zurich that cost £6 and took approximately 14 minutes.
I was able to then just walk to my hotel from the centre of Zurich from a train station, which is one of the most beautiful train stations I've ever seen.
We have a long way to go if we're not to fall behind an awful lot more in our infrastructure across our country.
Blog Post Number - 3398