In Eoin Colfer's wonderful children's book, Artemis Fowl, he describes how the fairy heroine, Holly, has to recharge her fairy magic; she must travel from the Fairy Kingdom underground to Ireland, and whilst there, she has to plant an acorn beneath an oak tree in the moonlight. For all fairies in the book, this is an essential ritual that must be carried out at regular intervals.
I thought about this today and my own fairy rituals.
My mood has been strange lately, up and down like the stock market in swinging shifts. Maybe that's not you, but it is me, at least at times.
I have reason to be so grateful and concerned and deeply sad and furiously excited all at once. "Not too high with the highs, not too low with the lows" is all well and good, but it is hard to practice all the time, and I need reminding - I must be hard to be around.
Luckily I have reason to take myself away today, a long journey North to my parents, alone on a train (actually 3 trains) for 6hrs. It's good for me to have time to think, mope, be excited, and plan uninterrupted for a while.
My Ireland is Scotland, and it's where I "return to" even after 30 years away from living there. It's good for my heart and soul to be here just for a little while.
I arrive at Waverley Station in Edinburgh; the train is early; I miss a tight connection for an earlier train and find myself with 30 minutes to spare, time enough for "the ritual".
I find an exit…Carlton Road, I have no real idea where I am even though I know this city at least a little; I am a Surgeon of Edinburgh.
I am thoughtful and sad, thinking things through on the train, but I walk out into the Scottish spring sunshine, and Edinburgh is happening around me. I have no plan; I just walk out for 5 minutes and then back for the next train.
Then I see a sign, which could be a sign.
St Ninian's Row.
St Ninian's was my primary school; I started there 49 years ago this August.
In a moment, my life (so far) flashed before me. I could never have imagined what I would have done, where I would have gone, and who I would have met in that lifetime. My life is a fairytale.
I am ready for the next bit now, whatever that is. It won't be easy, it never is, but it will be wonderful, terrible, frightening, and exciting all at once. It's not supposed to be easy or comfortable.
Comfort is for later.
I went back to the station and back on the train.
I'll never forget where I come from (all of it), but I'm damn sure I can't (or won't) go back.
"Don't be sad because it's gone; smile because it happened."
HT, and thanks to LD
Blog Post Number - 4135