I have been looking for ways to write about the subject of tolerance for some time.
An inspiration to push me forward to writing a blog about the way I feel about a subject which is perhaps the most important that faces our society and it was only this morning, whilst still listening to Matthew Syed’s latest book ‘The Greatest’ and an article about Billie Jean King, did I receive the push and the inspiration that I needed.
Billie Jean King was a tennis player who also happened to be a lesbian but in truth, it was probably the other way around. She has been described as the greatest female tennis player of all time and won twelve singles Grand Slam titles and over thirty Grand Slam titles in total. At the height of her career and being, apparently, happily married her secretary broke the news that she had had a five-year affair with King back in the days when women ‘didn’t do that’.
King’s reaction was to come out and provide a press conference, which didn’t go well. She reported that she didn’t feel like a homosexual and she didn’t come across as the leader and advocate in the developing era of gender equality which she later became but at that stage was pilloried by GIDites activists for her stance.
In short she made a huge mistake which she regrets to this day.
She reports (and this is really beautifully in Syed’s article) that when she came out she was still vehemently homophobic. In the way that Matthew Gladwell (who is mixed race) describes himself as racist.
King reports an upbringing where homosexuality was rarely ever discussed and when it was, her father made his thoughts clear on the matter. All through her affair with her secretary she felt that she was cheating God.
Following the infamous press conference though she set about on a life of changing the world to a more tolerant and better place, being a standard bearer, flag waver and cultural icon for gay rights and tolerance through the gender revolution.
So what is the point?
I think the point is this…
King did not, as far as I can see, at any stage tell people how to live their lives. She did not say “I am a lesbian, therefore you should be a lesbian too” She said “I am a lesbian, please accept me for that, please be tolerant. I don’t expect you to be the thing that I am”
So this is where we find ourselves, both in society today and as it always happens on these pages, through my profession. I would describe myself as a secularist. I do not force or foist my Atheism on anyone else, I do not expect them to give up their world view of their deep held beliefs in whatever it is that they believe in and neither do I expect anyone to do that to me. I would (honestly) fight to the death to protect someone’s right to believe what they believe but only if I thought they would do the same for me.
Tolerance and a tolerant society is not a way to get what you want. It is about respecting what everyone else believes and ensuring that your beliefs harm no one else. You will never change someone’s world view by force, violence or confrontation – they will hide their view inside their head until you have gone away and it will resurface stronger and better and brighter than before.
In a week where yet more atrocities are reported in a western city and I am having discussions with my teenage daughters on two sides of the same coin – one terrified and one sensationalising the news, the greatest and most effective weapon we have yet again is tolerance.
Billy Jean King was to millions of people an inspiration and continues to be so. She started out doing her job (tennis) and through the way she lived her life was able to set an example, which gradually and over the decades helped to change society. Isn’t it funny, if you were to reflect on that, that we all have the opportunity to do that?
Blog Post Number: 1234